Redundancyville. Population: me.

posted at 3:58 PM •

Because me and Darren care, Graham...

As I mentioned earlier, I've been catching a lot of Graham Norton this week. It's all down to the fact that he's on straight after Big Brother, and you always get a trail for his show in the ad-break - and he's had some pretty top guests this week.

Top of the bill of course were kd lang and Tony Bennett. One thought I had while he was interviewing Kathy Dawn (see - how much of a lesbian am I? I know her name proper like) was that how post-gaytime tv things are these days. Think about it - an out gay man interviewing an out gay woman on arguably the highest rating british chatshow.

When Tony Bennett appeared later in the show prior to dueting with kd, I couldn't believe how respectful Norton was. Mr Bennett, he cooed - I've never heard him call anyone 'mister'. I think he was worried Tony would go all Joe "You think I'm funny huh?" Pesci on him.

I'm still not impressed with the skits Graham does at the start of the show though - they're so variable. I suspect he has different teams of writers for each day. I just wish they would drop the tired format of putting him in a funny costume while he introduces the guest - he's in danger of becoming the new Jim Davidson or something.

posted at 6:19 PM •

Apart from the fact that this year's Big Brother housemates are the most boring yet, the biggest mystery for me has been why no-one has noticed Steph's big stonker of a moustache...

posted at 3:07 PM •

No, I've not vanished, I've just not really been in the mood for blogging. It's hot, my brain is melting, and there's just too much going on that I can't write about.

Bear has an article published in Gay Times this month - an interview with Shadow Home Secretary, Oliver Letwin. Of course I'm biased, but I think it's extremely funny in parts (Bear asking Letwin whether he'd like a guided tour round London's gay sex clubs is hysterical) - and incredibly well-written.

The only slight problem is that Bear, a Yorkshireman and life-long Labour supporter does an excellent job of making the Tories look credible and in touch with social change. That's my Bear - he could out-spin Alistair Campbell!

Go and pick up a copy, and if you like the article, be sure and write and tell them so!

I've been catching Graham Norton most of this week, post-Big Brother - and it's been a fantastic week for music. Moloko on Wednesday - Roisin looking absolutely gorgeous, Macy Gray last night - mad as a kettle of frogs, and kd lang and Tony Bennett dueting with Wonderful World on Tuesday - so beautiful it made me cry. I'm such a closet lesbian.

Oh, and it looks like I'll be made redundant on Monday.

posted at 12:52 PM •

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

Was having problems with Blogger yesterday, and couldn't post. Not that It would've been anything exciting - just something along the lines of "ugh, want sleep". Yes, another heavy weekend - but blummin' great fun. My mates Paul and John were down from Liverpool (no, not that Paul and John), making up for the fact that John and Neal were away at a family wedding in Lancaster. Sleaze on Saturday night was great fun, finished at about 5am, and slept over at Z's for a few hours, eventually getting home at 10am. I then slept through till 1pm, and made my way back down to Vauxhall for the usual Sunday festivities.

Bumped into Marcus, Dave, Luca and Mrs Bitful on the grassy knoll - Luca looking worn out from watching people start the Walk for Life.

The Vauxhall Tavern was followed by LA3, and I eventually got home some time after 4am. Struggled into work and spent the entire day trying not to fall asleep at my desk (I managed to get some shut-eye in the loos though - feigning a dicky tummy and doing my best to look pale, which wasn't too difficult).

So, I'm feeling much more alive today after sleeping soundly last night - and starting to look towards next weekend, when I can do it all again!

posted at 10:55 AM •

In The Times today: Ballroom dancing is best step to avoid Alzheimer's. And elsewhere...Depression is God's way of telling you to enjoy "Come Dancing".

I knew Angela Rippon was on something.

posted at 11:20 AM •

I've got a whole host of blog bookmarks kicking around in a folder on my desktop that I need to read more of and add to the links section of the site. In the meantime, I'll shout a big howdy (and whip crack away) to Creepy Lesbo - funny, prolific and a lesbanian - I think I'll add her to my sidebar!

posted at 5:10 PM •

Coming down slightly from my wallowing in self-pity, and hey - it's all thanks to the Power of Blog. Met up with Blue Witch at lunchtime yesterday at Liverpool Street. Nearly got me blubbing into my double quarter pounder (protein - grr), as I came to a couple of realisations about the past year. More of those sometime later though.

Alan's Ten Tips To Avoiding Workplace Stress gave me a bit of a chuckle, and made me realise that things maybe aren't as bad as they seem. Don't stress, it's only an Aubergine.

Home life is a bit more relaxed after my return to the gym - it's amazing how Endolphins destress you.

posted at 4:58 PM •

Not sure what's going on at my GP's surgery. I saw the male GP on Monday and didn't really get anywhere as you know if you've been following the events so far. On Monday afternoon I phoned to make an appointment with the other female GP but was told they were changing the appointments system, so I would have to just come in and try to be seen on Wednesday morning.

So, I went along this morning and sat in the surgery for an hour. It seemed like the majority of people walking in wanted to see the female GP, and it became pretty clear that I wasn't going to see her. At ten o'clock I gave up, and was told to try again tomorrow.

By this time though I was smelling a rat. John told me he had no problem getting an appointment to see the male GP, and I suspected that the practice was dealing with the fact that everyone wanted to see the female GP by telling a little white lie.

So, I just phoned up the surgery and asked for an appointment with the male GP - "no problem" says the receptionist. "How about the other doctor?" - "Oh, er, um - we...we're not taking appointments for the other doctors". Aha - fallen right into my trap. As polite as can be I explained it wasn't an emergency and I didn't mind waiting, and the receptionist tried desperately to sound authoritative as she rattled off a flurry of excuses, then found me an appointment for next Friday.

I don't mind waiting, but I do mind being lied to. If they've got an unpopular GP, then they need deal with it in another way rather than lying to people who have a right to see the GP of their choice. I get so righteous sometimes - I could carve a niche for myself as the Esther Rantzen of the blogging world.

posted at 12:11 PM •

Well, the visit to the GP didn't go as planned. I could tell within minutes of sitting down that Dr Bhatnagar, a male GP in his late fifties, wasn't really the sort to be taking stress and mental illness particularly seriously. He didn't bother to delve too deeply into the difficulties I've been experiencing, and made the most cursory of inspections of my physical ailments - in my opinion brought on by my hyper-stressed state. He suggested going for some long walks, eating properly and trying to get to the root of my problems.

I left feeling thoroughly wretched, worse than I did when I left home. Spurred on by advice from friends, I'm going o try for a second opinion from the other GP at the practice who is female and in her early forties.

In the meantime I don't really feel much like blogging - it just requires too much mental effort at the moment. Also it's a lot harder to write entries at work, due to circumstances that I'll explain when I get out of this current situation.

posted at 1:30 PM •

I'll cope.

So much has happened in my life that has been hard to deal with. But somehow I've managed to get through each time, and although I've always felt very aware of that, I don't think I've ever actually been in control of the outcomes. I've felt like a passenger, that life is not a series of decisions, more a series of obstacles. But then - I don't know, I feel like I'm trying to build a narrative out of nothing, trying to analyse the past thinking that I was conscious the whole time.

I've been losing control this week. Mostly losing control at John who has felt the sharp edge of my tongue for things like not buying toilet paper. The bastard - how could he be so insensitive?

What with having a stinking cold, I skipped the gym for a week. I just didn't have the energy. I returned yesterday evening after another outburst of vitriol at John, who'd put some clean washing on our line overhanging our extremely overgrown garden. I pushed some lumps of metal around, grunted and sweated (and tried not to look too much at the muscley blokes), managed to purge some of the nasty stress chemicals, and returned home feeling very sheepish at my outpourings of bile.

One of the nastiest things to realise was that I hadn't been in control of myself. A row over toilet paper that lasted three hours? What was I thinking? Is my relationship really worth destroying over such a pathetic thing? Of course it's not, but I've just not been able to stop myself, or see things in perspective - I just wanted to scream and rage.

So - I've not been coping.

I've spent all my life coping that I find it hard to know what to do when I'm not coping anymore. It's so hard for me to admit that I seriously, really need help. But I've got to that stage. I'm going to sit in my GP's office on Monday and tell him (or her) exactly what's been happening in my life for the past two years.

Oh, and just a little distraction - went into Soho this afternoon and had a couple of shandies with the boys. Headed off to my bike, and *checks pockets* - shit, where's my bike keys? Panicked, went back to the pub, but no sign of them. Paul and Ian managed to chill me out, as I realised they were long gone and there was nothing I could do about it right there right then. Stayed for another shandy, and went back via my bike just to check it was OK. One last check of my pockets. Oh. Right. I'd put my keys in my back pocket. Oops - I really am dizzy sometimes.

posted at 9:26 PM •

Moloko have released the second single off their album Statues, called Forever More. It's my favouritest track off the album, so someone somewhere is being nice to me.

It starts off all subterranean pulsating synth, slowly building up into this huge stomping dance number - the video is seemingly shot in a long tunnel with Roisin doing a fantastically crap dance.

To commemorate, Diamond Geezer style - here's a few facts about tunnels.

Norway is home to the longest and the deepest road tunnels in the world. The Laerdal tunnel is 24.5km long, drilled right through a mountain.

London has four foot tunnels under the Thames, only two of which are still open to the public, at Greenwich and Woolwich.

The Channel Tunnel is 50.45km long (31.35 miles) and is 75 metres under the seabed at it's deepest point.

posted at 4:22 PM •

Corrections!

Oops - I can never get Mel and Sue's names correct. Even after Celebrity Big Brother II - featuring Sue Perkins - co-housemate Melinda 'Mel' Messenger finally gave me the perfect way to remember which one was which. And still I can't get it right. So here it is, just for the record (not that anyone bothered to correct me):

Sue Perkins is indeed gay, sleb ex-girlfriend of Rhona Cameron (boo, hiss).
Mel Giedroyc, undisclosed sexuality - but only a mother could love that face.

Thank you for your attention, and apologies for lack of blogginess lately. Can't say when normal service will be resumed, or indeed whether I'll be entertaining when it does return. Beggars can't be choosers.

posted at 11:02 AM •

Urgh. Apologies for the banner at the top of the page. It seems my bannerless hosting package has run out at directnic, so until I can get round to paying $15 for another year, you'll have to put up with a bit of advertising. I should get it sorted in the next couple of days!

posted at 2:30 PM •

Sniffle - been laid up all weekend with a lousy cold. Forced myself out on Friday night which wasn't a good idea as I ended up making myself twice as bad on Saturday. Did it again last night, but this time I managed to sweat the cold out, and I'm feeling a bit better. Off work for a couple of days, so I should have time to totally recover.

posted at 11:21 AM •

One word sums it up...Celesbrians. You heard it here first (the word that is, not the fact that Amanda Barrie [middle, played Alma in Corrie] is a dyke - that was in my comments a day ago. Oh, and don't write in saying Sue Perkins isn't a lesbian, I know that...save your e-stamps).

posted at 3:28 PM •

I, of course plan to be the model of a smashing Uncle.

Moving back to the Isle of Man has faintly crossed my mind, but it's not a real possibility. I will have to make sure I visit much more often now.

It's a foregone conclusion that new baby Powell-Aguilar* will be doted on like crazy. Boyfriend Ed is a real renaissance bloke - likes his footy & a beer, but is a total softy, a really gentle guy - and he makes a mean Thai Curry. God knows how he puts up with my sister, but it's like me & John - opposites attract. Mandy already has loads of friends with kids, and you should see them with her. I just hope new baby won't mind sharing it's toys with her.

I was just explaining to Blue Witch that sproglet won't be genetically related to me as my sister is adopted, but this notion of genetic similarity is somewhat lost on me. I've always known my sister was adopted - I can't actually remember ever being told. We've always been the model family with adopted child, my parents did a fantastic job. Mandy has always known, and if anything (you have to know my sister to appreciate this) - it makes her feel terribly special. 'I was chosen, you were an accident' she would spit at me as children.

I love my big sister to bits, and I'm going to spoil my new nephew or niece rotten.

Oh, and according to family tradition, she'll be having a boy. Birth order has jumped from boy to girl to boy for about three generations now, and the last birth (my older cousin Julie) was a girl. We'll see if Mandy keeps up the tradition - I know mum will be unhappy if she doesn't.

posted at 12:35 PM •

Babs: Well, they say these things go in threes...
Mrs. O: Why? Whatever's the third thing?
Babs: You remembered my sweetener!
They laugh together.

posted at 7:26 PM •

Bloody hell - finally I get some good news that I can blog about! Got a phone call from my sister, Mandy this morning. Chatting away, and then remembered that she rarely phones me unless she has something to tell me.

me: So what do you want?
mandy: I've got some news to tell you.
me (thinks): Oh God, what now?
mandy: I'm eight weeks pregnant.
me:

I then proceded to weep like a menopausal housewife, and was unable to speak to her for two minutes until I composed myself.

Uncle Steve!

posted at 12:40 PM •

I'm extremely skeptical of online petitions. Actually I'm skeptical about just about everything online, for instance those 'every time you click, we give five pee to disadvantaged ocelots' - but petitions in particular are just far too disposable to work online.

Having said that this one petitioning to keep the tube open till 3am at the weekends is worthy enough to have earned my email address. Thinking about it though, the tube isn't really much use to me at 3am, as I'd usually still be clubbing away at that time - but I can imagine it would be useful sometimes.

Go and sgn it!

posted at 5:14 PM •

Spotted this chap in Farringdon on the way to bi-monthly bear hangout Woof*. He really seems to need a handbag draped over his paw though doesn't he?

posted at 11:25 AM •

There's been so much going on over the last few weeks. I've hardly had time to stop and take it all in. Some of it I can't blog about, which is causing me no end of frustration - a situation at work which is causing me a lot of stress.

The blog hiatus was started because I didn't want to leave myself the temptation to write about what was... is happening - but then I decided I wasn't going to let the situation take over every aspect of my life. Still, it's slightly apparent now that the holiday might not have been such a bad thing, as I'm struggling to come up with things to blog about and not mention the work thing.

I need a project or something...

posted at 12:03 PM •